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So you think I am…

 
 
So let me get this straight… Larry King is on his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for the 9th time, Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, while married, was having sex with EVERYONE; yet the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the institution of marriage…? Really??
 
 
It all started with this one status message that I had posted on my Facebook page and the mixed reactions that I had received from some of my friends ( in the form of text messages, FB mails, g-mails and one phone call) was shocking!
 
 
It was just the other day that I had posted a blog entry on the prevalent discrimination based on religion; and had some interesting conversations on religious tolerance, acceptance and patience. It was interesting for all of us (in the talk) to note that  people are also discriminated on the basis of their sexuality! When I use the term “sexuality”, I am refering to a person’s sexual orientation towards to the opposite gender or else.
 
 
So coming back to the FB status; the reactions were instant!
 (Please note- Specially to those who identify themselves with excerpts; I am using it to throw light on a  point and not to hurt any personal sentiments. I respect all our conversations and also understand some were meant in light humour. Please take this post and the following in the right spirit!)
 
Within minutes of posting the above message, I first received a mail in FB
….. so are you coming out with something? you want to talk? spoke to your parents? “
A text message on my mobile
” what on earth have you put on FB? have you lost your head to a chicken?”
 
Another message on my mobile
” ahahaha, not finding your type of guy i suppose….”
 
A gmail message
” such a rebel! loved your status but kindda edgy”
 
 A comment of FB
“.. i now know why you delaying your marriage….”
 
Some meant it in humor but somebody (very dear to me) was serios on this matter, especially my sexual orientation and I had to swear on the Holy Book that I was straight and am attracted to men!
 
It then took to my thinking that people actually feel homosexuality is a problem. I then thought how would things be different if I am attracted to another girl and decide to live my life with her? Wont I still be the same daughter, friend, colleague?
 
 
I began reading on this aspect.I visited several forums and online discussions and found people stating homosexuality as ” against nature”. Well I can see their point, but then what about married couples who decide never to have children? How different are they to them? But come to think of it; are all are actions justified by the law of nature?
 
 
Another point that was used to justify against homosexuality was religion. But the same question here again- do we live our lives completly by the holy books? And isnt religion all about love and peace? So shouldnt love in any form be accepted?
 
 
Being in a relationship is one among the beautiful experiences in the world. Having someone to care aout you, who is willing to dedicate his/ her time for you or to stand by you is a big thing. A relation can be with anyone- mother, father, friend, uncle, wife, husband, children, boss, workmates; actually with anyone on this earth, even with an animal!
 
It is a feeling that makes you aware that you are not alone in this world. Some relations take names while some just remain special. I personally dont feel it is wrong if you decide to spend your time and life with someone of your same gender- it is the same feeling of satisfaction which you might be having with your wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyrfriends. So why would they be different?
 
I have not read enough on this nor have I meant people to comment and write  further. But like in my previous post; I condemn any kind of discrimination be it based on religion, nationality, sex or sexuality. I know I cannt change the world (though I wish I could!) but even if a few of us change our attitudes and pass this on to the coming generations- the work is half done!
 
As humans we have right to life and as the saying goes “Live and Let Live”!
 
God Bless
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About sithararajesh

I am fascinated with this world!!!

19 responses »

  1. Dear Sithu, this writing is the bravest, most mature, wisest and enviably well-worded writing I have read recently by anyone!!

    When I read your FB post, it didn’t even cross my mind for a second that your statement had anything to do with your own sexual orientation (and if it had, what then? I would have loved and respected you even more than before.. :))

    But really, it was a just and right observation of this crazy world around us, in which so many things are up to mere attitude and up-bringing and intelligence that so many people have to live without.. But we cannot really blame anyone, because as you said this is a mission that our generation is responsible to solve somehow..to grow up to and above all, to pass on the right attitude to our kids..in order to create a better, more peaceful and emphatic future world.

    I’m proud of you and you have my full support no matter what! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Situ the best ever blog u have written! I am clueless abt the status yet! logged in after long!
    But i totally agree with you, i feel its so wrong when people discriminate based on looks or religion or gender or sexuality for that matter!
    Let people live like they want to, or do what they want to, its one beautiful life god has given, so every1 has the right to live the way they want..
    So proud of u baby! muah!

    Reply
  3. Good blog! A blog that touches one of the sensitive and much debated issues in our society today. But I’m a little confused as to the main purpose of this blog is – opposing discrimination based on sexual orientation OR supporting same-sex marriage. I would like to jot down a few of my perceptions, based on living in a community where I have seen and interacted with people of both sexual orientation.
    Discrimination based on sexual orientation –
    I, along with your view, completely condemn any sort of discrimination based on nationality, religion,race,sex or sexual orientation. Being born in different places and brought up in different circumstances, which influences a person’s race and behavior, should NOT be a source for a crucial decision at any place where his/her talent/worth can be exhibited.
    Same sex-marriage –
    Marriage is an institution where two souls come/join together as one. Religion is a main factor when coming to this topic. As stated in the blog above, religion is [also] about love and peace. But love in all forms may not be accepted. For the word ‘love’ in English, Greek has four different words and all these four word has four different meaning. Adultery, which basically comes out of carnal love, is against mainstream religion. So if religion can accept same sex marriages, who knows, it can accept adultery, other molestations or human-animal marriage (weird!!) in the future?
    Relationship – Being in a relationship is fine, it can be with anyone viz,father-son, brother-sister, friends etc.. but it should not end up in marriage, because that institution has got it’s sanctity.
    Please not that these are just my views and not intended to harm anybody’s sentiments.. 🙂
    Hope that I have not deviated much from the topic of this blog.. 🙂 and would welcome your ‘calm’ thoughts.. 😛

    Reply
    • Hi Bergin, first of all thank you for dropping by my blog.

      Well first questions are answered first 🙂

      This entry steamed out from a Facebook status about same sex marraige; followed by some reactions that i received from friends and my observation on how people sidelined people because of their sexuality. And since the entry before that was on discrimination. So through this post i am trying to get the point that even if one opts for the same sex marriage, wants to be in a relationship with someone of the same gender- that is a complete personal choice and should nt be sidelined because of that.

      I see your point on same sex marriage and your point on adultery is well quoted. But isnt marriage is a society created norm; and society is something that constitutes people like you and me.

      My question is that we are beginning to accept live in relations, then why not same sex relations and unions? What is the mental bloc about? Especially after we have taken the institution for marriage granted. There are people in for his/her ninth wedding (after eight divorces) does that preserve the constitution of the marriage system? How different is that from adultery? ANd these are not a one-off thing! Go to any local family court in India and the rate of divorces are alarming!

      Like I have said in my blog, I have not read enough on this topic and still doing a bit of research; but why did a repulsion against this community suddenly come up. Homosexual relations were always there in the society; classic example- the statues in Khajrahu Temples have ample sculptures of the same. And further more- the way they are portrayed and made fun of in our cinemas and literature (with particular reference to India), that is not acceptable and very inhumane. Now when I look back there have been cases when I have laughed at certain jokes but to look at it; it also happens to be somebody’s identity and life.

      Wedded or not; if people are to err! Well this is my thinking. But then Bergin, I also feel that it is all about an individual’s attitude that I am trying to address. Society is you and me- if we are considerate to our fellow beings that makes a difference I suppose.

      I dont know if you agree to my views; but I would like to chat on this further.

      Thanks for dropping by and hope you like the otehr posts too. And like I tell all my friends; all that you find here is ‘how i see the world through my eyes’ 🙂

      Reply
      • Nice to see your reply. It was detail enough to prompt me again to share my views.:)
        Even though, I do not know much about the history of marriage, I feel, as you said, marriage can be society created norm. It is a universally well accepted union. But, can we simply accept norms created by particular section of a society? For eg: Sati, a practice which was prevalent at ancient time, wasn’t it created by a particular community/society?, Child marriages etc..
        It is sad to rise in the divorce in different countries. But it is different from adultery because infidelity/adultery is not the only cause of divorce. There are other major causes for divorces. It also depends whom we look up to as an example. For instance, Jonas Brothers, the popular pop band has made a vow of chastity that they are remain ‘pure’ till their marriage. There are many celebrities who have married only once in their lifetime.
        Society changes and people of young age gets attracted to new styles quickly. I’m not preaching against embracing change. But before we do that, I feel that, we just need to give a little thought on the ‘change’ that we are going to embrace.
        During my younger days in school, if we fall in love, mom would come with a ‘chooral vadi’ and say ‘padikkan poya samathanoda(i), ninte oru premam; poyi pusthakam eduthu padikkada’. But when our generation comes, in the above situation, moms will say ‘Thank God, he is loving a GIRL(not a guy)..:)’
        So in a nutsell, I’m sympathetic towards equal opportunities for homosexuals, but when it comes to same sex marriages, my understanding(logical, behavioral and ethical) cannot digest it! and these are just my personal views.. and expecting to see your thoughts on this.. 🙂

      • Nice to see your reply. It was detail enough to prompt me again to share my views.:)
        Even though, I do not know much about the history of marriage, I feel, as you said, marriage can be society created norm. It is a universally well accepted union. But, can we simply accept norms created by particular section of a society? For eg: Sati, a practice which was prevalent at ancient time, wasn’t it created by a particular community/society?, Child marriages etc..
        It is sad to rise in the divorce in different countries. But it is different from adultery because infidelity/adultery is not the only cause of divorce. There are other major causes for divorces.
        It also depends whom we look up to as an example. Larry King may had numerous divorces, but for instance, Jonas Brothers, the popular pop band has made a vow of chastity that they are remain ‘pure’ till their marriage. There are many celebrities who have married only once in their lifetime.
        Society changes and people of young age gets attracted to new styles quickly. I’m not preaching against embracing change. But before we do that, I feel that, we just need to give a little thought on the ‘change’ that we are going to embrace.
        During my younger days in school, if we fall in love, mom would come with a ‘chooral vadi’ and say ‘padikkan poya samathanoda(i), ninte oru premam; poyi pusthakam eduthu padikkada’. But when our generation comes, in the above situation, moms will say ‘Thank God, he is loving a GIRL(not a guy)..:)’
        So in a nutshell, I’m sympathetic towards equal opportunities for homosexuals, but when it comes to same sex marriages, my understanding(logical, behavioral and ethical) cannot digest it! and these are just my personal views.. and expecting to see your thoughts on this.. 🙂

      • Hmmm, that is very well quoted Bergin. I like the example you have quoted showing a contrast between Larry King and Jonas Brothers. But the society is not just about the celebrities alone, it is about the common man; it is about you me and the people around us.

        As I have been reading on this topic; I came across this story which has happened in Kollam (and I am sure it is happening in many places)- a guy gets married to a girl (like any other normal couple) but within months the wife finds out that the husband is a homosexual and he has married her to protect his sexual identity and continue the business. The girl though managed to get a divorce; was the trauma, the experience she had to go through worth it? And all this is was for his “social acceptability”.

        I personally feel the more we have restrictions the more are we producing rebels. Quoting the case above; what would have gone wrong if he had comde out in open? We must understand that due certain aspects of nature’s engineering; people tend to be like that. And like we accept certain things in life, why cannt be accept this? It pains me to even think of getting into such a situation like that girl had to go through. Imagine getting married with so many hopes and dreams of having a family and children and you find that your husband’s interests are different. It is not because it is your fault, but not even his. he was forced to go through this because he wants to be socially accepted. And what happened?

        I personally feel, it is all about our mentality and attitudes.

        But when I try to look at from a different angle (this comes a movie; The Kids are all right http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0842926/ ); i dont know the kids would be who are raised from this union. But then again, kids who are from broken homes also go through the same.

        We all have one life and what right do we have to deny someone their sexuality and life!

  4. situ..sorry fr d delay in respondin..only today i read tis post..
    well, another of ur wonderful writeups …lovd it… n pls understand (i knw u do) i was simply/only kidding n nthg else wen i commented on ur fb status… anywys tis write up shows ur maturity & sensitivity as a human…i can giv another apt moral: respect others the same way u want them to respect u..& inspite of our physical differences v r all alike in gods eyes..
    keep writing 🙂

    Reply
    • Like i had i told you, your comment (specially) was used to throw light to a another huge thing. I know you well and your intentions very well (thats why i have taken the liberty too)
      sandy, i know that you understand and since it is the end of the year (time for all the thank yous); you have genuinley stood with me at all times and been there for me (even we got physically apart) and that means a lot to me.

      and thanks for the encouragement da… and mole i know you were kidding and you will continue to kid me

      Reply
  5. Hi Sithu,

    Kudos to your writing skills again…its getting sharper day by day….keep moving…

    While this topic is something which I wanted to learn as I dont have much idea so far, I am glad that this blog will help me to dig bit further to study it better…While I support with my hand for the freedom to live together for those who wish, I am completely aganist getting an official law for MARRIAGE of homo-sexual people. I believe that Marriage has got something special meaning and it has to contribute a lot to existance of Human life, society rules (may not be right term..pls oblige) and existance of world…. Let us support those who want to love or stay together and marriage is not a mandatory stuff for it.

    May be others in this blog can educate me more as I am a starter here…. My hearty congrats and waiting for more new posts in New Year 2011 Sithu…

    Cheers,
    Ratheesh

    Reply
    • hmmm.. ratheesh, me and bergin are have a very interesting conversation on the same lines and i am sure you will have your views to share on that (do check our trailing conversation)

      wedding is a ceremony… marriage is the bond and what the society grants is a legal status. I realise issuing a legal status to it will take time; but people’s attitude towards it should change. we should be more open to people and be ready to accept them as how they are and even if they wish to live their whole lives together or even get into a civil union; let it be. it is about being sensitive to people’s feelings. thats what i feel…

      Reply
  6. Sithara dear,
    i cannot control myself. HOW BRAVE YOU ARE!!!!!
    I like this post the most, and i totally agree with you. We are all human beings, so why to make difference between each other. I think people should learn how to accept others. Different people are not worth than us, they are just different!!
    P.S.: You have my support also 🙂

    Reply
  7. I agree with most of your points, however a few need to be discussed further, I will hold a small discussion with my partners and maybe I will ask you some opinion soon.

    – Henry

    Reply
  8. Sithu,
    I totally agree with you. I dont understand why people dont go by the idea of ” live & let live”

    Reply

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