“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward
“ Hmm so what about marriage?”, “I am getting married this December, what about you?”, ´I think you are wasting your time, why don’t you find someone for yourself?” , “What is happening? Shouldn’t we get her married off?”, “Oh my God, 24 and single???”… and so much i hear everyday.
Before I continue I want to put it straight- some of you will identify yourself with certain incidents and quotes of speech. I hope all of you will take it in the lightest manner possible and enjoy the post; after all this is what life is all about and this is how I am.
Okay, for all you first timers- I am 24 and single.
Some of you might be wondering- what is the big deal. Well the big deal is I am Indian and a malayali (taking you a bit through it- girls in India get married quick and have babies even quicker. We Indians are so proud of the girls from our country who have made it big in life,from going to the moon to becoming CEOs of MNCs; but for the hypocrites that we are (no offences meant to anyone) we don’t mind any random girl living life to her fancy but the girls of our family should be married by 22 years, get her baby walking by the time she is 24. Be a teacher by profession, because that will mean she has limited interaction with ‘other men’ and should be able to make round chappatis. By the time she is 30 it is okay if she has a figure resembling the chappatis she is good at making for dinners but not okay if she has not had second baby).
So coming back to my case, I am 24 and single (wheatish in complexion, on to the healthier side and short; it might seem weird as how I describe myself but let us not forget I am an Indian and a Malayali).
I have profiles advertising myself in various matrimonial websites such as Keralamatrimony.com, m4marry.com, shaadi.com etc; posted and managed by my parents (read WORRRRRRIED Parents! Taking you a bit back on history, the main reason for this worry is because their only daughter is 24; the whole country seems to be worried about her single status and was twice close to being hitched and broken off). her worried parents even advertised her in a local newspaper in Kerala- the advert was read like this:
24 year old wheatish complexion, 5 ft, Bharani nakshtram (with 1.5 dosham; something and something about my star’s position) educated girl seeks suitable groom.
My question: what about my education, my job, my expectations on how i want a husband?
Okay taking from where I left- I am 24 and single with no plans of getting married any soon.
For a lot of my friends who have known me would probably jump their seats out reading this line. Because till very long back I wanted a wedding. But why a wedding? These were my reasons:
- I wanted to get decked up and take pictures (which i realise i can still do)
- I wanted to be the centre of attention during the event (this is the last time you will be the centre of attention; after that everyone considers you to be outdated)
- I wanted to get presents (i still want presents)
- I thought it was cool to be a Mrs. (not any cool. so many nice guys are put off when they get to know you are married)
- I wanted two sets of parents and family (can be difficult to manage; seeing from a real life family)
- For a host of perks and the glamour part that comes with a wedding (all this glamour and perks are over with that one day)
But things have changed with me; two disasters in life and a closer peek into my married friends’ lives have given me a new and wiser perspective of life.
But before I write further; I go back a bit to the past and analyse my own thoughts.
When I was 22, “A wedding is amazing. Imagine all the festivities, food, celebrations and everything in your honour. Life can move on in any direction. I can even live with the sky as my roof and air as food, if I have companionship”
When I was 23, “A wedding is nice. It gives you and your family social acceptance. I can adjust in any circumstance provided there is a support in the form of companionship”
Now I am 24 (read a lot, seen various marriages from the inside and outside), “ I don’t want a great wedding but a good marriage; and for life to be a celebration, the right person needs to get the things right before we start our life right!”
Even today I had a friend tell me, “…don’t worry sithu . Next Onam when you come visiting me you will be committed”
My response: “Hmm I don’t know if I want to be committed by next Onam but I want to come celebrate Onam with you next year.”
Friend 2: “….you are wasting your time. You must get married”
My thought train “ wasting time by not doing what? Maybe make babies”
Friend 3: “ Hey Sithu! My marriage is fixed. Don’t worry you will have yours soon”
My thought train: Why have you actually called me?
Friend 4: “I feel sorry for you.”
My thought train : I feel sorry seeing you trying to juggle between your house and (flirty) husband, if only i could tell you that he still has a roving eye, and still not able to have the life you want. Sharing a bedroom is not all about a marriage.
Friend 5: “ you know you can ask for more out of life….”
My thought train : She is for sure referring to the bedroom.
A few weeks back friends and some of the family have suddenly turned hostile and are agrresively pursing my matrimonial issue with my parents. Despite all the convincing I try, they don’t seem to see my point of view;
- No matter how young you are, if you are married- the kids call you ‘aunty’ and not chechi (in a malayali context)
- A married lady lives her life as per her husband’s, her in-laws and her parents’ will. I still want to live my life king size… that’s not how I want my life (this is in view of certain married couples’ lives only!)
- My perfect day would be- wake up, breakfast, work, gym, dinner, a book and bed. Not wake-up, make breakfast (but not eat), work, laundry, cleaning, cooking and a sad me going to sleep.
- Gain weight (I don’t know the logic of why married women gain weight; I am seeing this trend in so many of my married friends)
- I scrolled up and see the points above are so trivial and makes no sense.
Life is all about adjustments and compromises and more than that God has made a clear plan on how my life should be.
He has in mind when the right person needs to come, sweep me off my feet, impress my parents and make life a whole lot easier for everyone. For some the wait is too much (esp for my friends and those of my family) but what I want is not just a wedding (the ceremony) but a beautiful marriage (the relation not just with the person but with his family).
But right now that not on mind. So what is on my mind?
I have my job, my parents and my friends.
I have those Fridays brunches followed by late evening coffees and long drives with Maliha on mind.
I have the long telephone gossips with Resmi chechi on mind.
I have our (my parents and me) little fun outings on my mind.
I have hours of lazying with a book with the TV on on my mind.
I have planning small surprise gifts for Maalu on my mind.
I have hanging out at the mall with the girls on my mind. Actually I have a lot on my mind.
So let me put it this way, I am 24, single and very happy in life. And even more happy for all of you out there who are engaged and married. God found the perfect person for you and for me he has already found some one but still working on the perfect moment for us to meet.
(Psst Psst… even after this if I get people telling me that I am not happy in life and there is pain deep down… God help you!)
Love you all 🙂